Home Sport 100 funny football quotes

100 funny football quotes

by shedboy71

The world of football (soccer for US fans) can gift us with many funny comments , here we provide you with a  selection of some of them


“Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match.”
Ian Wright

“They didn’t change positions, they just moved the players around.”
Terry Venables

“They (Swindon) are still finding that they are much happier when they have the ball than when the other side has it.”
Ron Jones

“Woodcock would have scored but his shot was too perfect.”
Ron Atkinson

“I didn’t say them things that I said.”
Glenn Hoddle

“That’s Steve Howey’s third-ever League goal and he’s never scored more than two in a season before.”
Jeff Stelling

“I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.”
Archie Macpherson

“Football’s not like an electric light – you can’t just flick the button and change from slow to quick.”
John Greig

“The Champions League semi-final is over two legs, so it will be a one-off affair.”
Graham Beecroft

“The problem is not what we are doing badly, it is because we are not doing things well.”
Patrick Evra

“To be second with one game to go – you can’t ask for more.”
Stuart McCall

“Sometimes he does the brilliant things really well.”
Lee Sharpe

“Players prefer the FA Cup because it’s the end of season curtain-raiser.”
Peter Withe

“Germany are a very difficult team to play – they had eleven internationals out there today.”
Steve Lomas

“He’s caused the Chelsea defence no amount of problems.”
Jimmy Armfield

“We had already beaten them 4-0 and 7-0 earlier this season, so we knew we were in for a really tough game today.”
Barry Ferguson

“We had two shots saved off the line by the post.”
Craig Brown

“Some of their players are internationals; some play for their national team.”
Steve McClaren

“Not to win is guttering.”
Mark Noble

“It’s 0-0 here. No goals.”
Adrian Chiles

“He’s unpleased about that.”
Mark Bright

“He’s one of the greatest players in the world, if not one of the greatest anywhere.”
Sky Andrew

“His return gives England another key to its bow.”
Stuart Pearce

“I’ve been consistent in patches this season.”
Theo Walcott

“He’s been like a fresh of breath air.”
Roy Keane

“The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals.”
Tony Cottee

“It’s now much more 50-50 in favour of Everton.”
Iain Dowie

“Sheffield Wednesday are third in the table. You couldn’t be any higher.”
Ian Abrahams

“Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales.”
Ron Greenwood

“Very few great goals actually go in.”
Graham Taylor

“Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1.”
Ron Atkinson

“There’s only one place you want to be and that’s Wembley, Old Trafford or Anfield.”
Mick Channon

“Fulham haven’t had a shot on target, which is probably why they aren’t in the goals.”
Tony Cottee

“Bayern will have the added advantage of playing in their home stadium. That’s like a home game for them.”
Paul Elliott

“Pitches today are like snooker carpets.”
Mick Quinn

“Suarez will improve and he will get better.”
Jamie Redknapp

“I never make predictions and I never will.”
Paul Gascoigne, making a prediction!

“I never make forecasts but whoever wins that game will win the final.”
Ken Bates doing a Gascoigne

“Bristol Rovers were 4-0 up at half time, with four goals in the first half.”
Tony Adamson

“That’s a yellow card for Cazoria. So the next time he’s involved in Europe, he won’t be.”
RTE commentator George Hamilton

“Barnsley have started off the way they mean to begin.”
Chris Kamara

“That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass.”
Murdo MacLeod

“Bolton have won just three of their last two games”.
Ian Abrahams

“Martin Jol has put his hands on his heads.”
Ray Parlour

“Maths is totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school.”
David Beckham (and English was probably teached differently as well)

“I’d love the person who taught Jose Mourinho English to taught me.”
Steve Claridge, who may have gone to the same school as David Beckham!

“Paul Lambert has learned Fabian Delph the game.”
Paul Merson

“I’ve had 14 bookings this season, 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.”
Paul Gascoigne

“Think of a number between 10 and 11.”
Ron Atkinson

“Samuel Eto’o is reputedly the highest-paid player in the world at £350,000 per week – that’s £5,000 a day.”
Clive Tyldesley

“When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.”
Lawrie McMenemy

“Real’s second goal made it 3-0.”
Des Lynam

“All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.”
Mitchell Thomas

“The 2,000 away fans will be unhappy. In fact half of them have gone, there’s only 500 left.”
Chris Waddle

“….and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record.”
Radio Commentator

“The possession stats at one point were 77% to 33%.”
Mick Quinn

“With Harry, two plus two always makes five, not three.”
Milan Mandaric

“You need at least eight or nine men in a ten-man wall.”
Mark Lawrenson

“I can count on the fingers of one hand ten games where we’ve caused our own downfall.”
Joe Kinnear

“Four minutes to go…..four long minutes….360 seconds.”
Alistair Alexander

“Aston Villa are seventh in the league. That’s almost as high as you can get without being one of the top six.”
Ian Payne

“We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.”
Ruud Gullitt

“Ireland will give 99% – everything they’ve got.”
Mark Lawrenson

“Even though two and two might look like four, it could be three or five.”
Kevin Keegan getting close to the right answer…but

“The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23.”
Kevin Keegan, he was completely wrong on that one!

“Well, Harry, fifth place last year, how can you better that?”
Fergus Sweeney

“And some 500 Italians made the trip, in a crowd of only 400.”
Radio Commentator

“If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus.”
Ron Atkinson

“Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.”
Kevin Keegan

“One thing about Germany – they’ll be organised, they’ll be big and they’ll be strong.”
Ally McCoist, now that’s three things!

“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona”
Mark Draper

“I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.”
Ian Rush on his spell at Juventus

“The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden.”
Andy Townsend

“What I saw in Holland and Germany was that the majority of people are Dutch in Holland and German in Germany.”
Peter Taylor

“Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they are from South America.”
Kevin Keegan who was listening in that lesson!

“We had enough chances to win the game. In fact we did win it.”
Alex Smith when Aberdeen manager

“Manchester United could only beat Exeter 2-0 – and it was just 1-0 at one point.”
Alan Brazil

“That was a continuance of what we have seen most of the season – that is, various clubs beating each other.”
Ron Noades

“I was feeling as sick as the proverbial donkey.”
Mick McCarthy

“So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it’s about.”
Sky Sports commentator

“I’d never allow myself to let myself call myself a coward.”
Graham Taylor

“I was a young lad when I was growing up.”
David O’Leary

“I just wonder what would have happened if the shirt had been on the other foot.”
Mike Walker

“That was the perfect penalty – apart from he missed it.”
Rob McCaffrey

“He had defenders swarming around him like a wet blanket.”
Gerry Armstrong

“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.”
David Beckham

“When England go to Turkey there could be fatalities – or even worse, injuries.”
Phil Neal

“The Merseyside derby games are unique in the city.”
Brendan Rodgers

“All of West Ham’s away victories have come on opponents’ territory this season.”
Marcus Buckland

“The manager could not even talk to us at the interval. He said we were bad.”
John Terry

“Apart from their goals, Norway haven’t scored.”
Terry Venables

“Doncaster will hit Villa with fire and broomstick.”
John Gregory

“Roy Keane going to Celtic would be a case of out of the goldfish bowl, into the fire.”
Radio commentator

“What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio.”
Gerry Francis

“We’ll not give up even if we’re 12 points behind with one game left.”
Joe Hart

“They (Leeds United) used to be a bit like Arsenal, winning by one goal to nil or even less.”
Nasser Hussain who thankfully knows more about cricket

“Burton really couldn’t lose tonight – but they have.”
Ian Wright

“If I was still at Ipswich, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
Dalian Atkinson

“If you want change, you’ve got to stick with it.”
Terry Venables



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